The Ultimate Torment
by Girl-Boy-Whatever
Summary: No one should have to watch the one they love die. Spike's POV on what happened in that last scene of The Gift. User name changed from Camera Girl 26 to Girl-Boy-Whatever


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summary: No one should have to watch the one they love die.

**The Ultimate Torment**

I watch in horror as she moves slowly away from Dawn and begins to run to the edge of the tower and jump off. As her body comes in contact with the portal I'm afraid she will be sucked in to hell and need to suffer eternal torment but all I see is her strong and Beautiful form writhing in pain and then simply be still, her face had a mask of peace over it and I know that she isn't in hell and she never will be. Then, in the blink of an eye she falls, it almost seems to be in slow motion, but she falls, landing roughly on a pile of bricks. I stay back as her friends begin to crowed around her still body, I can't stand to get closer than I am but as I look on I lose all control and collapse at the bottom of the tower, both to protect myself from the rising sun but also because I just can't hold myself up anymore. My entire world is gone in just a few fateful seconds, and if it weren't for the promise I made her before we went into battle, the promise to protect Dawn to the end of the world, I would just sit at the base of the tower and let myself turn to dust but I have to be as alive as I can be if I am to protect her so I push my body up and take refuge in the shadows. My mind goes to what I said to her last night _till the end of the world. Even if that happens to be tonight. _Well the world did end, for her, and for me. "Spike!" the sound of Dawn's voice calling my name makes me come out of my thoughts.

"I'm over here, little bit!" I call to her and see her come over to me

"I know this is about the worst thing I can ask, but can you bring her to the house, no one else is strong enough." as she asked me I felt the pain all over again and in that moment I knew, I knew she was dead and that she wasn't coming back

"It's sunlight bit, I can't" was all I could choke out

"then we need to wait." she said to herself then she left to go tell the rest of the scooby gang to wait until night so I could carry her sister's body home, and even though they didn't like it from what I heard they all agreed. As I watch Xander and Giles lift her body off the pile of bricks with difficulty I can't help but realize that the only reason they were letting me carry her home was that Dawn had tolled them to, and if she hadn't they would have tried to struggle with her all the way back to her house. I see Dawn walking to me again so I collect myself and hope she's not coming to give me information regarding the body because I don't think I can take it. "You know, we all loved her so we all know how you feel." her words cut through me like a knife, especially when she said _loved_, like now that she was dead they didn't love her any more but I will always love her and nothing will ever change that, nothing.

"No you don't, not like I love her, she was my whole world and now it's all gone, never to return." I tell her, not looking her in the eyes

"So what you're saying is that none of us love her as much as you?" she said in a voice that made me even colder than I already was being dead

I sigh and look her in the eye for the first time and I see that if she doesn't get an expiation that blows her away she will just go on shooting daggers at me with her eyes

"When I said she was my world I wasn't lying, when I'm looking at her there's nothing else and no one else that matters, I look at her and I see perfection and... and it's like I'm in the sun again, but it's a sun that- a sun that I can look at, and it's almost like I'm alive again and I can sometimes even feel my heart beating, and my soul, I didn't need it because she _is_ my soul. But now she's gone, Buffy is gone." I'm crying again but I didn't care... not anymore

"I never realized... how much you loved her... No one should have to watch the one they love die." she said

"It's the ultimate torment." I agree

It is almost sunset now and the only ones still here are me, the little bit, and the body. Around noon Xander took Anya home and not long after that Willow, Tara, and Giles did the same, but not before telling Dawn to make sure I took the body to the house. _Like I would do anything else with it. _

"Um... Spike? Do you mind if I just go home, it's been a long day and I'm really tired, besides I don't think I can be around her for much longer." she said gesturing to the body still laying on the cement ground.

"Are you asking me to let you go home alone after what happened? Think again, I'm not letting you get hurt." I tell her

"Spike please. I need you to understand that the one thing I need right now is to get way from this place and I can't wait for the sun to go down, I don't even know if I can be here for another second! Please let me GO!" she was crying now and I knew she was right

"Fine... I'll have you know that the _only_ reason I'm letting you do this is because I can't go with you and you don't deserve to sit here waiting."

"Thank you." the soft tone of her voice tells me that she really is thankful

"You're welcome."

I wake up from my brief sleep and look around to see that the sun has set and I can now take Buffy's body home. I walk over to her slowly and kneel down next to her. When I move to pick her up I can't do it, all I can do is hold her to me and cry a river, my tears landing on her beautiful body that once radiated with life but was now still and room temperature. "Buffy I'm sorry this is all my fault, if I had just protected her you wouldn't have had to jump, and I'll ever forgive myself for that. Never." I lift my shaking hand and begin to gently stroke her hair she is still beautiful even in death. "Buffy I love you and where ever you are need you to know that... please know that."

"Hello Buffy. Some how I survived another day with out you, I don't know how but I did. It really doesn't help my feeling of loss to talk to your grave but how else will I get a chance to be close to you? Um... well Dawn is doing OK, Willow and Tara moved in so they could take care of her, and you're not going to believe me but red got the bot working so they could have help with patrol, Giles is preparing to go back to England, and Anya and Xander are... well the same. Everyone misses you, and some how I'm the only one who shows it. I can't look at the bot without needing to hold back tears and I feel like a bloody poof telling you that but it's true. I need you Buffy, we all do and not only because I don't think a robot can avert apocalypses as well as you can. How I've lasted 140 days without you is beyond me but I did it and I don't think I'll last much longer." I stand up from my spot next to her grave and begin to walk away but not before I turn and say one more thing to her "Good night Buffy, I'll be back tomorrow."


End file.
